Candidate U.S.U. Member Evaluation Test

or

How much of a slut are you?

Welcome to Ε.S.Ε. (Ένωση Sluts Ελλάδος a.k.a. Greek Sluts Union)!

We, the people that were inspired to found Ε.S.Ε., reclaim the word slut and reuse it as a word with positive meaning that describes a person who experiences and enjoys his sexuality freely, with love and without shame, who has integrity and (some elementary) ethics and does not allow rigid rules and the prejudices of the conventional, politic, religious, BDSM, or other societies to limit or restrict his experiences.

Writer: Prema Marina. Contribution: Sam. HTML and Programming: Panacotta of Doom. Ε.S.Ε. Board: Lola, Hermis, Prema, Panacotta of Doom.

Important notice: after several submissions (and complaints about this being only a Greek thing) from foreign individuals we have decided to expand this institution and upgrade it to universal status. The original Greek part will remain as the Greek affiliate branch, but everybody else will be able to enjoy their participation in the newly founded international institution for sluts: Universal Sluts Union (a.k.a. U.S.U.). Relevant information will soon be available to you. After all, we sluts DO like to ...unite.

Disclaimer

This questionnaire does not constitute canon. With it we want to see how open-minded, self-aware and sex-loving (and horny) the people who take it are, as well as how much they accept their own sexuality. We do not claim to define any new constitution or set of rules, nor that we can diagnose any clinical (or otherwise) psychological condition. We also wish to declare that we ARE prejudiced: we believe that sex and kink are good and that pleasure is good for you and that they ARE a normal, healthy part of human nature, as long as they are done in mutual agreement and without permanent damage to our body or psyche.

This test aims to demonstrate whether you are fit (according to our standards — fter all WE founded E.S.E.) to be part of our union.

If you pass the written test, we reserve the right to request your participation in a live practical examination by the E.S.E. board for your final results. This will depend on our mood, whether we personally like you, or if we are just feeling horny. You have the right to say no of course.

Instructions

Please go carefully through the answers. A lot of thought has gone into them and some are quite tricky (we are kinky, we like to torment people). Chose the answer that suits you best.

If you'd like to add something to or explain your answer click on “Do you have a comment or clarification:” and fill in your comment.

Question 1

Are you a virgin? (Have had any kind of penetrative sex? Just petting or snogging does NOT count. Even if've have done it 200 times.)

No.

Yes.

If you answered “yes”, go home. You might be a slut, but without experience you are only a potential one, so go get some experience and then come back and take the test.

Question 2

Do you like sex?

Is the Pope a Catholic?

Sex is only necessary for the continuation of the human species.

I just do it because I want to keep my honey bunny satisfied.

Sex?!? Slurp! Argh! Where, where, WHERE???

No. Not at all.

(Then why on earth are you taking this test? Do you think we have time to lose over you?! We are very busy doing other people!)

Question 3

Why are you taking this test?

Because if I get into U.S.U. I'll find it easier to get laid.

Because I'm curious about the results.

Because I believe that sex and/or kink are good, and pleasure is good for me, and because I want to be free to practice them in any way I like, without judgment. This is also why I'd like to become a member of U.S.U.

Because I like orgies.

Because my Master/Mistress told me to.

Because I can't say no to a nice pussy/dick/flogging.

Question 4

Should sex be considered taboo?

Sex in the middle of the town square! Hurray!

Of course. Some things are only meant to be shared by two people behind closed doors.

Sex is natural, but some things should not be shouted out loud.

Of course not! Sex is a natural and delightful act of the human species.

I have sex and/or act out my kinks but I'm worried about my purity/integrity.

Question 5

Do you think people in general are too forgiving of or too harsh with promiscuous (“easy”) women?

They are too forgiving.

They are just right.

They are too harsh.

Question 6

Do you think people in general are too forgiving of or too harsh with kinky people? (People engaging in sadomasochism, domination, submission, fetishes, etc.)

They are too forgiving.

They are just right.

They are too harsh.

Question 7

Do you think that some acts between mutually consenting adults should be made illegal?

Yes. Some things are just wrong.

No.

No, as long they don't affect third parties that have not consented.

Question 8

You would try anything:

Once.

Twice. (Just to be sure)

No, some things I would never do.

Question 9

Ideally, do you believe that public BDSM (kinky practices) should in NO WAY involve sex and/or exchange of bodily fluids?

Of course not, after all no BDSM club allows open sex!

I'm not sure, but since those BDSM clubs forbid it they must be right.

It should involve anything the people doing it want it to involve.

All I know is that when you get horny, you fuck.

Question 10

How pansexual are you? (We are referring to the human species only. What you do with your pet in your spare time is none of our business.)

I fuck anything that comes along. Now that you mentioned it, your little dog seems pretty hot to me...

All bodies can give and receive pleasure. Gender (male/female/trans) is not as important to me as chemistry.

I'm straight.

After experimenting/serious thought, I decided I'm straight but everyone is entitled to their personal preferences.

I'm bi, but everyone is entitled to their personal preferences.

I'm gay, but everyone is entitled to their personal preferences.

I'm bi/gay, but I feel kinda weird about it.

I'm gay, and straight people are fucked up! (men are pigs/women are bitches, etc.)

I'm straight and don't let any damn fag/stupid dyke get close to me, they disgust me!

I'm not exactly sure yet what my preferences are.

Question 11

What is your opinion about open polyamorous and/or polygamous relationships? (multiple sexual partners who are all aware of each other)

They are wonderful. This is the kind of relationship I want to be in.

They are unnatural and vulgar.

I prefer monogamy, but if it works for them it's fine by me.

They seem interesting and I'd like to try it.

Question 12

Have you ever been in an open polyamorous and/or polygamous relationship?

I've only been in such relationships/they are the ideal type of relationship for me.

Yes, and it didn't work out for me.

No, but I'd like to.

No, and I wouldn't want to.

I only have sex with my pumpkin pie. (“Pumpkin pie” = endearing term for a loved one. Don’t take it literally. This is not “American Pie” the movie.)

Question 13

You are at the cinema, your movie is starting in one minute, you desperately need to pee and the WC for your sex has a long queue, whereas the WC for the opposite sex is empty. Do you go there?

Of course! I might even gawp at some hot babe that might already be in there.

I go, but I'm kind of embarrassed so I make it quick.

I almost go but the people queueing stare at me. Will they think that I am trans/gay or just plain immoral?! So I go back and stand in line hoping that my bladder won't burst.

No way I'm going, that's the WC for the opposite sex and I don't want anybody saying anything!

Question 14

Sex = ...

Love.

Horniness/Arousing.

Fun.

All of the above.

Pregnancy.

Trouble.

Question 15

At the thought of an orgy, you feel:

Eagerness.

Both embarrassment and excitement.

Indifference.

Repulsion.

Fear.

Question 16

At the thought of doing it in common view at a BDSM or swinger party, you feel:

Eagerness.

Both embarrassment and excitement.

Indifference.

Repulsion.

Fear.

Question 17

At the thought of doing it on a church altar (or other place of worship of your religion here, e.g. mosque, temple, etc.), you feel: (consider that you will not be walked in on during the act, and no-one will see you)

Eagerness. Long live perverted sex!

Both embarrassment and excitement.

Indifference. It's just another flat surface on which to fuck.

Indifference. It doesn't feel right ethically/philosophically.

Repulsion. I'll burn in hell!

Question 18

At the thought of doing it in common public view on the city square you feel: (consider that you are free from danger of prosecution)

Eagerness.

Both embarrassment and excitement.

Indifference.

Fear.

Repulsion.

Question 19

What is your ideal frequency of sexual activities?

Every day (at least!)

Several times a week.

Several times a month.

Several times a year (we have a very good household item for cobweb cleaning, if you want).

Question 20

What's your view on sex toys?

I have three trunks of them back home, and if I'm not there there's also cucumbers or your improvised rope flogger.

I have a vibrator (or two) stashed in my underwear drawer.

I don't have any but I like them. Cucumbers are not always for my salad.

I would like to have some but I feel kind of embarrassed to go to a sex shop and buy them.

I'm indifferent to them.

I don't need such things! My dick is good enough for her/his dick is good enough for me!

Question 21

How many people have you snogged? (the whole french kiss and pet 'n' stuff package)

1–6.

7–15.

16–30.

31–60. (Jeez you’re still counting them?!)

After 60 I lost count.

Question 22

OK, now for THE question: how many people have you had sex with?

1–6.

7–15.

16–30.

31–60. (Jeez you’re still counting them?!)

After 60 I lost count.

Question 23

When you die and are heading off to heaven, how many sexual partners would you like to have had in your lifetime?

1–10

11–50

51–150

150 and above. Do you think there might be some afterlife snogging too?...

Question 24

Is there such a thing as too many sex partners in one's lifetime?

2

10+

100+

There is no such thing.

Question 25

What is the shortest time period that passed for you between having sex with two different people? (If you have participated in an orgy choose 0)

0–5 minutes.

10–60 minutes.

Several hours.

One day.

More than one day.

Question 26

Do you masturbate?

Women don't (need to) masturbate!

Are you crazy?! My ears will fall off/my palm will sprout hair/I will loose my eyesight!

Of course. Often. Masturbation is self-love! (I even sometimes invent new ways to do it.)

Some times.

With all the sex that I'm having, there's no time!

Question 27

Have you watched/do you watch porn?

I AM a porn star!

You have no idea how many new positions/oral techniques I've learned from them!...

You have no idea how many times I've had self-gratification with them!...

Sometimes.

They make me feel uncomfortable.

They don't turn me on.

They are only for men/they are degrading to women.

Question 28

Have you looked/do you look at erotic photos?

I AM an erotic photo model!

My computer collection is above 30 Gigabytes.

Some.

What would I do with them? I don’t need them.

I find them totally vulgar and unethical!

Question 29

How do you feel about receiving oral sex?

Awesome! Awesome! Awesome!

Eeeeew! Bleeaah!

I'm not crazy about it but I sometimes do it.

Basically I do it to please my honey bunny.

I haven't done it yet but I want to! (What the fuck are you waiting for?!)

Question 30

How do you feel about giving oral sex?

I like it very much and I consider it a natural part of the act of love.

Eeeeew! Bleeaah!

(If you answered 1 in the previous question and 2 in this one, you are a selfish pig!)

I'm not crazy about it but I sometimes do it.

Basically I do it to please my honey bunny.

I do it on their birthday/name day, as a reward when they have been a good boy/girl or when they have caught me cheating on them.

I haven't done it yet but I want to! (What exactly are you waiting for?!)

Question 31

Do you put your or your partner's sexual bodily fluids in your mouth? (when there is no health issue)

I can't imagine sex without this godly nectar! Long live bukkake!

Why not? I consider it totally normal.

Eeeeew! Bleeaah! Ptew ptew ptew!!!

Mine, yes. My partner's, no.

My partner's, yes. Mine, no.

(If you're a man, just know that women have a name for people like you...)

Question 32

How do you feel about receiving anal sex? (from the gender of your choice)

Hang on a sec, I'm getting the lube!

I am a Man! Men don't do that shit!

I sometimes enjoy it.

Unclean! Unclean!

I've tried it and I'm not crazy about it.

I haven't tried it and I don't want to.

I haven't tried it but I want to!

I would really like to do it but I've got piles dammit!

Question 33

How about giving anal sex?

Holes are for stretching of course!

I am a woman! Women don't do that shit!

I sometimes enjoy it.

Unclean! Unclean!

I've tried it and I'm not crazy about it.

I haven't tried it and I don't want to.

I haven't tried it but I want to!

Question 34

Do you ever go out at night, just looking for someone to bring to your bed?

No but I'd like to.

I've done it occasionally.

Never! I need feelings to be there for me to function sexually.

I do it often and it's a lot of fun!

I do it often and DAMN I never score!

I even have a nickname, they call me “Da Nail”!

Question 35

What is your opinion about one night stands?

Why, is there another kind of sex? Will you stop with your &$#@%!!! questions and come suck it already!!!

With the right person it is perfectly fine. Chemistry and pleasure are possible even if you are not in love.

I would never do that. I need an emotional connection to function sexually, but those who do it may keep on doing it if they are enjoying it.

I would never do that. I need emotional connection to function sexually, and those who do it take advantage of people/have issues with commitment and/or are not in touch with their feelings.

Question 36

How do one night stands feature in your life?

That's the only kind of sex I have!

I've had plenty but no more. Now I want to find true love!

I have some and I want more! Gimme!!!

I've had some and I don't want any more.

I have enjoyed them several times and I keep having them once in a while.

I've never had any and I’m not interested in them!

Question 37

How do you feel being watched by other while you engage in sexual and/or kinky activities?

I don't want to admit it but the truth is it makes me horny.

You are crazy and sick voyeurs!

It doesn't make much difference to me.

Now you are making me horny...

Question 38

How often would you like to participate in an orgy?

As often as possible of course, cause this way I can fuck more often.

The more the better!

Two or three times maybe in my life, just for the experience.

Well, I do want an orgy every now and then...

Never you sick perverts!

Orgy people are fine but I only function on a one-on-one basis.

Question 39

How do you feel about someone (your partner/Dom, etc) offering you for sex to a third person of their choice?

ONLY one???

I am a real Master/Mistress. I do these things to OTHER people!

No way.

I might ...think about it.

Only if I like the third person.

Question 40

How about offering you to MANY other people? (gangbang)

NOW you're talking!

I am a real Master/Mistress. I do these things to OTHER people!

Noooo way!

Long live gangbangs, as long as they are MY choice.

I might ...think about it.

Only if I generally like the group.

Question 41

Do you have any fetishes? (a fetish is something you considerably need to get excited, not something you just like a lot)

I have lost count.

No.

I am not a pervert!

Well, I do have (and enjoy) some!

I have some but I feel weird about (some of) them.

Question 42

Do you practice your fetishes?

Every chance I get!

I already told you, I have no fetishes.

Nooo way! And YOU will burn in hell for doing that!

Sometimes, when I get the chance.

Sometimes but I'm kind of embarrassed about it.

Question 43

Do you like consensual sadomasochism?

Hit me, hit me!/I'll make your ass turn purple!

I have my own whip — and I am NOT afraid to use it!/to have it used on me!

I'm not interested in physical pain.

Yes, but aren't I a little weird that I like these things?

Nooo way I'm doing that shit! What are you, misanthropists???

Question 44

Do you like consensual bondage?

Bring on the rope! (the 30 meter one!)

Some times it can be fun.

Not interested in it.

Yes, but aren't I a little weird that I like these things?

No way I’m doing that! It’s perverted!

Question 45

Do you like going into a dominant and/or submissive role in sexual play?

Sure!

I wouldn’t mind.

Yes, but ain’t I a little weird that I like those things?

Not interested in it.

I am a real Master/Dominant/slave/submissive!

Question 46

Jealousy is:

A sign of a healthy relationship. If you are not jealous you are not in love.

A sign of weakness or personality issues.

A sign of a problematic relationship.

An issue but it can be dealt with.

A normal human emotion and it can be dealt with.

Question 47

My jealousy is:

My responsibility.

My partner’s responsibility.

Both partners’ responsibility.

Question 48

If your partner goes down on you in a way you don’t like, you:

Tell them to stop and not bother.

Tell them/show them how to satisfy you better.

Eeeeew! I don’t do that stuff!

Don’t say anything because you don’t want to hurt their feelings, since they decided to do something nice for you.

Question 49

Would you have a problem if your answers to this test were made public?

I've already published them on my Facebook/MySpace/Blog. Do you want to check them out?

Why would I have a problem?

Can I choose which answers will go public?...

Are you crazy??? And let the world know these things about me?!?!?!

Question 50

You aren't out to your parents about your sexual preferences because:

You are worried about what they'll think, and that they won't approve.

You are worried about their health — it's pretty fragile at their age!

There is no reason for them to know that I'm not satisfied with vanilla sex.

I'm considering telling them (they're pretty healthy).

They already know.

They know, and they read all about my new feats on my Facebook/MySpace/Blog account.

Question 51

Do your friends know about your preferences?

I joke with them chasing them with my whips, and they read all about my new feats on my Facebook/MySpace/Blog account.

Of course! They're my friends.

They know some but they don't need to know everything.

No, I'm afraid that if they find out they will call me a pervert/I will lose them/they will tell my parents.

Question 52

Do you feel that you are sick because of your alternative/unusual sexual preferences?

Last time I checked, I didn't have a fever.

The truth is I do feel a little weird that I enjoy [insert preference here, e.g.: people pissing in my face/pissing people in the face].

The reason I want [to be dragged around in a leash/use people as ashtrays] is my problematic childhood and I have arranged an appointment with a therapist so that I can heal my perverted issues, and finally be able to live a healthy life!

The reason I want [to be dragged around in a leash/use people as ashtrays] is my problematic childhood, but I have arranged an appointment with a therapist so that I can accept and love myself, overcome my shame for my preferences and finally be able to live a healthy life!

I don’t have “alternative/unusual” sexual preferences. I only have normal, healthy, proper sex!

Question 53

Have you ever tried to lower someone's inhibitions by using alcohol or other surreptitious means, or have you ever pressured/forced someone to have sex with you? (Dom/Sub/SM situations do not count)

I would never do that.

A few times.

Several times.

So many times I've lost count./p>

Question 54

Have you ever had revenge sex/sex in order to make someone else jealous?;

I would never do that.

A few times.

Several times.

So many times I've lost count./p>

Question 55

You are having great sex, you are about to cum and suddenly your partner says they can't continue and have to stop. You: (be honest. Get in a horny state of mind.)

Say “One sec, wait, I'm about to cum!” and you go on until it happens.

Say “What's wrong? You were having such a good time just seconds ago!” and try to make them continue.

Say “What's wrong? You were having such a good time just seconds ago!” and stop to listen to their issue.

Question 56

Do you use protection in sex? (Sex in a relationship where both of you have decided to be monogamous or fluid-bonded excluded.)

Always.

Most of the time.

Occasionally.

Rarely or never.

Question 57

Did you ever have sex while knowing that you are infected with a sexually transmitted disease (STD) and your partner didn't know?

Yes.

No (I avoided having sex or I mentioned my condition and my partner didn't mind).

Question 58

Do you shave/depilate down there?

Of course! Cleanness and easy access. I respect my partners, I don't want my hair to get in their nose!

Sometimes, when I remember, or I'm not bored to do so.

Never! You can lose yourself in my jungle! Long live natural beauty!

Question 59

How often have you cheated in your relationships?

Excuse me? WHO doesn't cheat? Everybody does it!

Very few times and I feel bad about it.

Never! I'd rather my pussy shriveled/my dick fell off.

A few times, but it was okay. I might do it again in an appropriate situation.

My past put aside, I am now openly polyamorous/polygamous and that is the way I prefer it.

Question 60

How do you see people who have had MANY more sexual partners than you?

I admire them and I want to reach their numbers.

I'm jealous of those assholes, how the fuck do they manage?!

They'll burn in hell the way they deserve.

I admire them but I don't care to reach their numbers.

I don't think they can relate to love and/or commitment very well.

More than ME?!?!?! Yeah, right!!!

Question 61

Have you/would you have sex with the ex of a close friend of yours? (We are not referring to poly relationships)

I'd do it without them being an ex.

Never! I, unlike you, still have some moral fibre!

Yes, but without my friend knowing. People have these views you know...

Yes but I would prefer that all the people involved knew and agreed to it.

Question 62

When you fuck someone, do you respect them the next morning?

Always.

Depends on the person.

If I had a good time with them.

I ain't gonna respect that slut who put out so easily!

Question 63

Do you practice aftercare in BDSM scenes?

Always.

Sometimes.

No.

What is aftercare?

Real Masters don't offer aftercare. Real submissives don't need aftercare. That hippie shit is only for San Francisco.

I'm not into BDSM.

Question 64

Is there some amount of money for which you'd have sex with a stranger?

Yes (You slut!)

No.

Question 65

Is that amount less than 1000 euro?

For 1000€ I'd do five! (Let us have your phone number later.)

Yes (You cheap slut!!!)

No.

I told you, I'm not for sale!

Question 66

What lubricants are suitable for rubber-based condoms?

Water and oil-based.

Water and silicone-based.

Silicone and oil-based.

All of the above.

Question 67

That person you used as an object in a BDSM scene, are they really your object?

Of course. I am a real Master/Mistress.

Well, you know, those little hot girls are easy to get, and they really love it when I act like a real Man.

Well, you know, those horny boys are so easy to get, and they really love to feel that they can satisfy such a sexy and superior Woman like me.

I don't use, they use me, and of course they should since I belong to them.

Every person belongs only to themselves. I am grateful to the person that I played with for the time they devoted to me and the new experiences I have through them.

Question 68

Do you think that a casual sexual encounter can involve loving feelings and tenderness?

What do I care? All I care about is getting laid!

In very rare occasions.

Of course. Everyone has feelings and it is totally possible to express and receive tenderness, even in a one night stand.

You don't need to treat the other person like a piece of meat, but for real tenderness I find it very difficult.

Question 69

Did you get horny answering this test?

I don't often find myself NOT horny you know...

No, should I?

At some points…

I am totally freaked out by your deviant sluttiness and I'm going to wash my hands with holy water!

(Still, how come you made it this far?...)

How can we find you?

If you'd like to be a member of U.S.U, leave us some contact details (this isn't part of the test).
A name/username?
Email/phone/MSN (if we don't know you already)
Age
Sex

Unanswered questions